Tort Law is Broken
Next time your church wants to do something useful but can't afford it because of whatever liability issues, blame the Catholics but blame the system too.

And don't forget the Democratic Party, whoring for the trial lawyers who bankroll 'em.

"That's Outrageous!"
If you're from a traditional family living in middle America, you may have spent the bathroom portion of your childhood years with Reader's Digest. This fine magazine had a recurring feature titled That's Outrageous, with stories of supposed injustice, madness, outrage, what-have-you. I say "supposed" because the items invoked varying degrees of reaction from me. I even had a point system for it:

-1 = I'm outraged, all right: Outraged at RD itself for calling a perfectly legitimate thing "outrageous." (Libertarian leanings at play here.)

0 = Blank stare. What's the problem again?

1/2 = Yeah, I can see why they're pissed. It's not so bad.

1 = Legitimate outrage.

2 = The item that, every now and then, would make me so hopping mad that it counted as double.

It's been years since I read RD, aside from waiting to get a hair cut or the like. You can almost but not quite play a similar game with Reason magazine's Brickbats though.

For example, the 4/22/2002 entry titled Screwing the Poor gets at least a 2 on the above system, maybe a 3. I hope there's a special circle in hell for "aid" workers like this.

She's At It Again!
or, the common denominator of all the past two days' posts

If you read the Easterbrook Report, you know he starts off by mentioning a very wrongheaded Doonesbury cartoon. Today's Sylvia is almost as bad.

Don't know what the issues are with "better tires" but I do know that, by and large, when you do the risk/reward analysis, fuel cell research is much more promising than hybrid engines. Disclaimer: I have friends who've been working on fuel cell research. I don't know anyone who's worked on hybrid engines. That probably colors my opinion. I do, however, distinctly remember reading two articles back in November (December?) about Bush's support for fuel cell research. One was in the Chronicle; one wasn't. You can guess which one actually presented the technical issues and summarized how far the research is, versus which one used it as a hatchet job.

The hell with it. I don't expect her to read this, much less to change her comic strip just because of me. And since she'd obviously expect no better of me as a male whose sense of humor relies on putting women down, I'll just say what I really want to say and then drop it. Nicole Hollander is a clueless bitch.

Damn, that felt good.

Simulated Baseball League Owners Are All Secretly Women!
At least, based on our sense of humor. After all, there's some awfully good wordplay here, and absolutely no aggression, sexual innuendo, or putting women down.

***
From: (andy)
Subject: Re: Day 11 recaps

I know Kilik, who went 0-for-6 on Day 11, probably didn't set the
record for futility, but I was just wondering who hold the biggest 0-
for-X.

***
From: (mike)
Subject: Re: Day 11 recaps

i know puck was 0-for-8 on opening day against monaco... *rummages*
year 6 to be precise. i'd be surprised if that weren't the record.

fear not for kilik; the next day puck ran off a 10-game hitting
streak during which he went 20-for-39.

***
From: (igor)
Subject: Re: Day 11 recaps

A 10-game hitting streak in one day?

Would that be called a decalheader?

I guess there were a lot of rainouts to make up!

(On the second day of the season? Hmm...)

***
From: (mike)
Subject: Re: Day 11 recaps

i guess it's time to let the secret of my franchise's success out.

after research, we decided it was worth it to hire a meteorologist.
so we've been able to predict the rain, and schedule makeup games
before the rainouts even happen. frankly, i'm surprised that we're
the only franchise which has made this worthwhile investment.

Everything You Know About The Bush Environmental Record Is Wrong
Read this. It's by the same guy who writes the Tuesday Morning Quarterback feature on ESPN.

I want to meet this guy. I want to be this guy. His writing isn't astonishingly brilliant but it's to-the-point and highly effective. He also must be making about as much as a free-lancer can make. Screw code. I want to write prose some day.

How we doing?
Pretty well, actually.

And now for some of the e-mail forwards I do like
Not sure why this is on the political blog? Read the previous entry.

Anyway, one of my Yahoo! folders is labeled Keepsakes. I made it for things I didn't want to misplace somewhere in "Received" or worse yet delete by accident. Among the saved messages are e-mail forwards. Read 'em if you'd like. Not sure what it says about my sense of humor or whether Nicole Hollander would think of me as a woman.

Warning: Some are off-color

Good Joke #1
Two couples were playing cards one evening. John accidentally dropped
some cards on the floor.

When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that
Bill's wife Sue, legs spread wide, wasn't wearing any underwear!

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head
on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's
wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well,
indeed he did.

She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial as well as the
moral costs of this offer, John indicates that he is indeed interested. She
tells him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons and John
doesn't, that John should be at her house around
2.00 Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house for the
planned time with Sue at 2:00 PM sharp and after paying her the agreed sum of
$500, they went to the bedroom and closed their sexual transaction as Sue
had promised.

Afterwards, John quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home
from work at 6:00 PM and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly,
"Did John come by the house this afternoon?"

A little worried, Bill's wife answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for
a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked,"And did
he give you $500?"

In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out, and after mustering
up her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me
$500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and
borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this
afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

NOW THAT'S A POKER PLAYER! ! !



Good Joke #2 (actually not a joke but a meme)
Your own Blues Name

Follow the instructions below for the genuine thrill that comes with
discovering your blues name:

From the first list, take the name using the initial of your first
name. From the second list, do the same with your middle name. From
the third, your surname.

First List
A=Fat; B=Muddy ; C=Crippled; D=Old; E=Texas; F=Hollerin'; G=Ugly;
H=Brown; I=Happy; J=Boney; K=Curly; L=Pretty; M=Jailhouse; N=Peg Leg;
O=Red; P=Sleepy; Q=Bald; R=Skinny; S=Blind; T=Big; U=Yella;
V=Toothless; W=Screamin'; X=Fat Boy; Y=Washboard; Z=Steel-Eye

Second List
A=Bones; B=Money; C=Harp; D=Legs; E=Eyes; F=Lemon; G=Killer; H=Hips;
I=Lips; J=Fingers; K=Boy; L=Liver; M=Gumbo; N=Foot; O=Mama; P=Back;
Q=Duke; R=Dog; S=Bad Boy; T=Baby; U=Chicken; V=Pickles; W=Sugar;
X=Cracker; Y=Tooth; Z=Smoke

Third List
A=Jackson; B=McGee; C=Hopkins; D=Dupree; E=Green; F=Brown; G=Jones;
H=Rivers; I=Malone; J=Washington; K=Smith; L=Parker; M=Lee;
N=Thompkins; O=King; P=Bradley; Q=Hawkins; R=Jefferson; S=Davis;
T=Franklin; U=White; V=Jenkins; W=Bailey; X=Johnson; Y=Blue; Z=Allison


Good Joke #3
----- Original Subject: A LITTLE IRISH HUMOR
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run
over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised
and he's walking with A limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the
bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me Had a fight, "says Paddy. "That
little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't do that to You, he must
have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel
is
What he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it. ""Well," says
Sean, "you should Have defended yourself, didn't you have something in
your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and
a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight"


Good joke #4 (also Irish)
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
arrives at her Door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks."I've
somethin'to tell ya." "Of course you can Come in, you're always
welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here To be
tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness
brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must,
Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
"Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was
terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh My dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least
go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

And last but not least some mullet haikus, which I may post on the main blog later.

Man Hating Humor
Nicole Hollander comes off awfully smug on this one. Notice how she lets her misandry show through even though technically her characters don't say anything bad. What I don't like here is the hypocrisy: This is a comic by a woman, aimed mostly at women (note: I used to thoroughly enjoy it, and still sometimes get a kick out of the two cats, but it's worn thin on me -- one more piece of evidence demolished in the case that I'm secretly a chick), getting a cheap gag out of the same gender-bashing that she wants to claim men do.

Sort of on topic, two jokes forwarded to me today. Use your own judgment on how they inform this particular debate. What I'll point out:
1. They're both just brutally moronic.
2. Which makes them no different from a vast majority of e-mail forwards.
3. A man forwarded them both to me, yet
4. My subjective impression is that the forwarding of inane e-mail jokes crosses gender lines. As the Internet itself still seems to be male-oriented, this is a relatively woman-centered facet of it.
5. For some reason the first one reminds me of Molly Ivins.
6. Come to think of it, so does the second.

Joke #1
Subject: Why Men Pee standing up

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in his bag so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing
that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you would like that."

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that. It seems just the sort of thing a man should be able to do. Please. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me." On and on he went like
an wanted it so badly, he should have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee while standing up and he was so excited.

He whizzed on the bark of a tree and then went off to write his name in the sand, laughing with delight all the while. God and Eve watched him for a moment and then God said to Eve, "Well, here's the other thing and I guess
you can have it." "What is it called?" Eve asked. "Brains" God said.

Joke #2
I WANT TO OPEN A DAMN CHECKING ACCOUNT

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller
window "I want to open a damn checking account," The astonished woman
replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did
you say?"

"Listen up, damnit. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this
bank." The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to
inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not
have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir,
what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man
says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a
damn checking account in this damn bank."

"I see," says the manager,

"and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

Hey, didn't you used to be Ralph Nader?